César Fernández-Stoll

César Fernández-Stoll
Versión hispana

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Sex before and after marriage

When sex is pursued before marriage as no commitment is present it is an impulse of wanting pleasure for the self and therefore it misses importance whom it is performed with or when or how and as it evolves in time
into lots of the same, respect for human dignity is lost and the shadows of adultery, sodomy, bestiality, pedophilia, rape, incest, and every combination and degradation there is, becomes acceptable in a distorted and invented sense of morality that just grows in evil and therefore evil itself need to be denied.
When sex is practiced within the holiness of marriage, with one single partner, it becomes a part of something much larger as it is an act of giving to the union between one man and one woman for the creation of children and the constitution of the family, the only possible foundation of society.
Sex is the beginning of life not the purpose of it, the start not the end.
Sex is not everything but just a functional part of a natural union between two people blessed to produce children before God.
Claims of sex being naturally necessary for good health or to avoid several illnesses, or as a vehicle of relaxation; is nothing but a way to justify in the mirage of self rewarding and egotistical manner for what we are expecting to receive not give.
The difference of sex before and after marriage seats in the difference between loving and not, because on the former, love happens through sex, is an act of selflessly giving one oneself to the loved couple, the one to whom a commitment before God is made to live giving until death sets them apart.
In the case of sex before marriage, the contrary is true because the only expectancy is to receive a moment of pleasure without any commitment and even worst, because any continuity is made conditional to that pleasure experienced. Not even practicing a sport or an art can compare to this act of selfishness because in sports or arts at least there is the will for improvement and the readiness to sacrifice everything required for that goal.
In marriage there are many ways in which the relationship is nurtured and matured and in any case it requires of a serious life time commitment for it to validate itself as genuine.
Abstinence provides the necessary space for the couple to work on the relationship, for that compatibility based on the complement they can be to each other without the need to corner everything based on sexual pleasure.
When sex is placed as something necessary is because the objectives are confused and distracted in selfishness. The politics of pretending that children or grown people, will undoubtedly want to engage into sexual promiscuity is nothing but a surrendering of bad leadership on behalf of ignoring nature and common good. Sexual license is not a prerogative of politics but of the individual and as with many other issues, when it is made a matter of politics, it is because it is being exploited for other purposes by someone lost in the fallacy that everything and anything is justifiable for the right means which cannot be so right should they require to sacrifice so much.
The media is full of sexual instigation and temptation and it is the youth, the teenagers the ones more prone to fall and make of it an obscure habit in selfishness, removing true love and the capacity to love if not the ability, from their souls. Not improving but help in the spiral of degradation, the instigation deepness by he truth being hidden as abstention is kept behind any possible assessment while being the only solution that really provide safety physically and spiritually, while other promoted solution rather tend to promote promiscuity.
The pure spirit of sexual engagement requires love as its basis and just experiencing sexuality for the mere expectation of pleasure as oppose to the integration with the spouse with whom a whole future has been committed before God. Love as is persistently iterated is giving and only giving, not expecting anything in return, hence in sex, as in any other manifestation of love, the action is towards giving not receiving. Actions that go from just watching suggestive images, moving or not, to intending one stands or provisional engagements conditional to the pleasure of sex or other issues, are only manifestations of selfishness which deny love let alone ignore it.
Sexual relations are thereby very much engaged with marriage and the commitment marriage provides and imposes the necessity of keeping the integrity of marriage in the spirit God intended which is the union between one man and one woman. To pretend a fallacious equivalence in either same-sex marriage or multiple partner marriage or multi-species marriage, becomes a denial of the purity of marriage not its expansion as is wanted to be implied.
When sex is practices before marriage selfishness is serviced, when sex is waited for the commitment of marriage, it does not become the object of marriage, but the accessory to love it really is, of giving to the spouse and giving life to children building a future for a healthy society.
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